From the Desk of Nicholas Buckingham IV
Like many of you, I've spent significant percentages of my income in an effort to harness the power of time travel. Well, finally - yesterday, in fact - I had my breakthrough. I paid a visit to the laboratory I had built between my guest house and my monument commemorating the episode of "Beverly Hills, 90210" in which Brenda loses her virginity, and, upon my arrival, my crack team of scientists informed me that my time machine was ready for the testing phase. Naturally, I gave my trusted assistant Dimitri first chance to try it out. We set the time-o-meter for September 9th, 1989, so that Dimitri would arrive at the taping of the final episode of "Growing Pains," and attempt to bring back the still virile and beguiling Alan Thicke, so that he might help in my personal crusade to save network television. A few buttons pushed, and some smoke and electricity later... suddenly Dimitri was gone! After a few moments, the expected light show returned, and we waited for it to clear. Much to my chagrin, when it did, we found Dimitri had brought back Andrew Koenig, the actor who portrayed the infamous, Richard "Boner" Stabone, friend of the Seaver family. No Alan Thicke. When I asked Dimitri to explain his snafu, he claimed that Thicke had a "cursory knowledge of time travel already" and "claimed to have been expecting a time-traveling bounty hunter from the future." Thicke then apparently made a surrogate offer: Dimitri would take Boner and the management rights to Thicke's son's future R&B career. When faced with the executive decision, Dimitri caved. Upon his return, the time machine shorted out and is currently under repair. Unfortunately, I am stuck with "Boner," and he is becoming quite tiresome. If anyone cares to take him off my hands, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Nicholas Buckingham IV
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