A-rod contract to be upwards of 90 Billion says Boras

Tampa, FLA - A day removed from the Yankees 6-3 loss to the Cleveland Indians, eliminating the Yankees from the post season for the sixth straight year, agent Scott Boras has already begun hinting at potential contract demands for his most prodigous client, slugger Alex Rodriguez.

"WIth the way Alex maintains his body, it's not out of the realm of possibility that he could play well into his sixties," said Boras. "And if he averages 40 home runs and 200 hits per year, that's another 1200 home runs and I don't even know how many hits. My assistant is telling me seven thousand," the hard-nosed agent added.

Boras said that any potential contract would have to be in the neighborhood of 90 billion dollars, to even be considered.

"It's not like the only revenue Alex will bring in is baseball related. He's planning on becoming the district attorney of which ever city he lands in, with the intent on prosecuting sex offenders to the fullest extent of the law. He's also working on a cure for Muscular Dystrophy in the basement of his house. He says he's close. Of course we'd be willing to negotiate sharing any profit that cure would bring."

Rodriguez, coming off another disappointing post-season performance in which he went a combined 3-24 in four games, responded to his agents comments today, on a local Tampa radio show.

"I will prosecute sex offenders to the fullest extent of the law. I promise that. As far as the rest of that stuff, I can't really comment at this time," the 32 year old third baseman said.

Apple unveils new iGina!

From the Associated Press

Cupertino, Califonia -- Fresh off the success of the iPhone, Apple
has once again rocked the technology market with the unveiling of
their newest product, the iGina; a new hand held device that combines
the functionality of a phone, ipod, lap top computer, and pocket
pussy, all into one.

"The iGina is literally five years ahead of any other pocket pussy on
the market," said Apple CEO Steve Jobs. "No other product out there
allows you to play music, access e-mails, check weather, all while
sliding your penis in and out of a soft, four inch shaft of self
lubricated, skin-like tissue."

iGina's pioneering PeniTouch, an industry first, lets users navigate
through their e-mails and voicemails, using only in-and-out thrusts
of their erect penis. The iGina also serves as a fully
functioning iPod, holding up to 1500 songs.

"I have an erection just thinking about the iGina," Jobs said,
speaking to a group of investors. "Good thing too, because I need to
check my e-mail," Jobs added, getting a laugh from the crowd.

The iGina has the rest of the self gratification industry scrambling
to compete.

"We just can't compete with their budget and resources," said Bill
Grimberg, CEO of Phuk-stick Industries, creator of the Flesh Light.
"I was working on a pockety pussy that had an LCD screen that said
the date and time, but that was as far as we had gotten."

Whether the iGina is a success remains to be seen. Analyst say the
market is already overflowing with anticipation. "There's people
already lining up outside. They brought all their lubricants and old
sex toys and put them in a pile and started burning them. It's
pretty creepy," said Tim Dupont, manager of the Pasadena Apple Store.

For more photos and information on the iGina, visit

http://www.buckinghamonline.com
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