GYROCOPTER RIDESHARE OFFER

From the desk of Nicholas Buckingham IV,

I've recently refurbished a vintage 1951 Bensen Autogyro and, in an effort to "go green" as they say, I am looking for a co-pilot to accompany me during my daily morning commute from my Bel Air Mansion to the west-coast offices of my publishing empire, Buckingham Publications, located in quaint downtown Burbank.

Please note that this particular Autogyro is in pristine condition, having been part of my personal transportation museum in Sussex, England, the collection of which dwarfs that of the United States' own Smithsonian Institute.

If you are interested in what will surely be the greatest airborn commute from Bel Air to Burbank in a double-rotored craft, please contact me via email. Let's avoid this L.A. traffic and help save the planet as it was meant to be saved - in style!

RETIRED STAGE HORSES IN NEED OF HOME

From the desk of Nicholas Buckingham IV,

In light of my relocation to Los Angeles to run my publishing corporation, Buckingham Publications, I am in search of a nearby pasture for four Arabian horses (Ages 6-8), who have been in my care ever since the end of the London Shaftesbury Theatre's revivial run of Peter Shaffer's Equus, in which the horses co-starred with Daniel Radcliffe.

All four horses are in fine condition, and have been trained using John Bell's Gentle Solution™ Revolution, as well as through the objective-based Meisner method for stage actors. A wonderful addition to any herd, or troupe!

107-PIECE ORCHESTRA SET NEEDED

From the desk of Nicholas Buckingham IV,

Next saturday evening, to break in the new private Bel Air estate and celebrate my relocation stateside to run my very own Buckingham Publications, I will be entertaining several colleagues and notables from the upper echelons of the publishing world. Also present will be several rival publishers, most notably Kenji Kokoshuko, my sworn archnemesis and CEO of Kokoshuko Media, (regretfully) one of Japan's biggest media conglomerates.

Due to Mr. Kokoshuko's presence, I have but only one choice: Provide my party with an orchestra larger than the 106-piece set Mr. Kokoshuko hired in 2006 for his annual Cherry Blossom Festival BBQ at his Kyoto estate.

The orchestra's conductor would be required to wear a listening device wired to a microphone that I will have on my person at all time's during the evening's proceedings. Said conductor would then be required to choose and conduct on-the-fly pieces pertaining to my mood during the night. The only predetermined piece will come in at the stroke of midnight, when I intend to reveal the news to Mr. Kenji Kokoshuko that I have purchased his media empire. At that point, the orchestra would be required to break into a frenzied rendition of Richard Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries."

If you are interested, please respond with a list of everyone's choice of either Salmon or Steak.